Guilt and Shame and You

Ch. 1: Guilt, Shame, and the Disassociated Self

(Chapter 1 of my Forthcoming Book, “Guilt, Shame, and Fear, vs Selfhood”)

Guilt and Shame. Guilt and Shame. The plague of the modern disassociated self is a sense of guilt and a life of shame. Everyone has emotional ailments and psychoses galore and the reasons are guilt and shame. Guilt and shame plague and follow like seagulls with a crab boat. Every time that we think that we have escaped them, they bound from behind the dumpster of the alley of life and mug us all over again.

There are whole industries devoted to dealing with the guilt and shame. We explain it away as a personal hang up. ‘I just gotta’ get over it.’ We convince ourselves that (despite the evidence to the contrary) ‘I am better than this.’ We blame our parents or teachers or the rassafrassin politicians that are screwing up this country. We attack those closest to us as if they are root from which our guilt and shame grow. We go to psychologists and counselors or talk to random people on the street (or as just recently happened to me, in line at the grocery store) to find someone that can help us get rid of the feelings, because they don’t seem in the least bit interested in leaving us alone.

But what is always assumed is that the feelings of guilt and shame are unfounded. It never seems to cross our minds that the feelings of guilt might come from the fact that we are guilty. That the feelings of shame might come from the truth that what we have been doing is shameful.

In short, what if our guilt and shame actually come from sin? Because the modern world has gone way out of its way to deny the reality of sin, guilt and shame seem like alien invaders, living in our lives as if they don’t belong.

But banishing discussions of the reality of sin is the reason that we don’t know what to do with our guilt and our shame. If we are sinners, then guilt and shame are fit for us. They make sense. They are proper.

If our problem is that we feel guilt and shame, there is nothing to do but practice psychological gymnastics. If our problem is sin then the solution is forgiveness.

Sin can be dealt with.

Jesus died for sin. If we are guilty of sin then Jesus, the incarnate son of God, came and died for it. Jesus was crucified for the guilt of sin. He was crucified naked for the shame of sin.

Because Jesus died for our sin, when God forgives our sin, the root of our guilt and shame has been eliminated.

Feelings can only be suppressed. Sin can be forgiven.

The beginning of learning to deal with guilt and shame is to be a sinner. Be the helpless case that you are. Quit trying to convince yourself that you are better than you are. The impulse to make excuses for yourself, to pretend away the terrible things that you do, is the temptation to get on the ferris wheel of guilt and shame. And there is a creepy clown at the controls who doesn’t want to let you off.

Guilt and shame (along with their little cousin fear) destroy our sense of self, our confidence, our sales resistance, and our immunity to manipulation. But all attempts to deal with guilt and shame directly are futile. Guilt and shame are like water. Every attempt to pick them up directly will be merely frustration plus letdown. The bucket holding it needs to be dumped down the drain.

It’s heavier than you can lift. The cross and the rolled away stone are the only lever and fulcrum positioned properly to dump your guilt and drain your shame.

Agree with God that you are guilty of sin and that it is shameful. Trust that Jesus took your sin and shame and nailed it the cross. Find the freedom of confession and forgiveness.